Journal Entry #1

I never really knew the difference between young and old until the day my grandpa had a severe heart attack.

It was one of those real normal days after church when the whole family got together and ate Thanksgiving all over again. Uncle Ted and his to-be wife Rosey, which I called Aunt Rose, sat on the white wooden swing. Little children ran hurriedly in and out of Grandma Elena's house dragging in leaves and grass from the front yard. Grandma Elena never fussed at any of us because she knew we were just having some fun and she'd never thought twice about interrupting our time of play.

Mama and Papa always helped Grandma Elena make the fruit bowls and vegetable trays. Each piece of fruit and vegetable were freshly picked from the garden every Saturday afternoon before Grandma Elena and Grandpa Joe played a game of scat.

Sunday's were Grandpa Joe's time of rest, no cooking, cleaning, watching TV, or playing with the children. Just sitting in his brown and beige lazy boy reading the Sunday news and making small laughter at the comic section. Since I was a bit older than the rest of the children, almost fifteen, a young adult to Mama and Papa, I sat in with grandpa; I'd watch his actions and try to be just like him. His facial expressions never went from one extreme to the other, always quite content leaving a small smirk in the corner of his mouth. He had tiny round dimples that were placed so neatly right next to his lips. His hair was a fray past snow white and his fairly tan face glowed across the room. Despite all the wrinkles drawn on his face, grandpa sure had a young edge to him. There was nothing ever too old fashioned about him, he always wanted to update things in the house, his wardrobe, and even his car. Now Grandma Elena and Grandpa Joe were no where near as rich as they wanted to be, but who ever truly is? Grandpa's job took place in the downtown area where all the rich businessmen worked. He made a fair share of money to have enough left over to buy a new car at the end of the year.

"You know what I never understood. Why all these old people want to live in the past and not seek what they can have in the future!"

I just giggled at grandpa's remark. He was always saying strange comments after reading an article in the paper.

"I just don't see why you would want to go back in the old days when things were bad. This is the beginning of a new year. What's that old saying people say?"

"Seize the day?" I shouted.

"Yes, seize the day and all its future."

"Gather around everybody, supper is set."

The whole family quickly stopped what they were doing and made their way toward the large family dining table. All the little kids lined up in the bathroom to wash their hands, because they knew grandma would yell at them if their hands were dirty at the table.

Everyone sat down one by one, the kids sliding in side by side on the picinic bench style chairs. I sat right slab dab next to grandpa like I always did. I was kind of like his side-kick, Mama never understood by I was always so close to him. She never really got along with him. She said growing up was a rough time for her because grandpa was a lot stricter back then.

Like usual Grandma Elena said the prayer before we all passed around the bowls full of home cooked foods. As each bowl passed my mouth drooled at the site of all the great foods and amazing smells. Grandpa would always cut a piece of meat up for me because I was never good at getting the right portion. Stuffing our faces the table was quite for a whole hour. Nothing was even said between the transition of dinner to dessert. Pecan pie and chocolate pudding were on the specialty that afternoon and boy was it good.

After eating and clearing up the table we all headed into the den where a few more hours of silence and t.v. watching were observed. Grandpa began to talk about running four miles down the road just get home in time for dinner or he knew his daddy was going to get him. He said how young and vibrant he use to be.

"Grandpa, did you really run that far?"

"Oh I sure did. I ran so fast that I think I lost ten pounds in that one session." We all laughed at the joke he made. Grandma Elena even chuckled loudly because she couldn't quite picture grandpa actually running down the side of the road. Once again things got quiet and it felt as if nothing was ever said all day. I hated hearing the silence and I loved to hear stories from grandpa so I had to break the frozen air.

"Grandpa, tell about the time you met grandma in San Andre Hill?"

Nothing was said, no movement or sounds. I thought maybe he fell asleep or he just didn't hear me.

"Grandpa, did you hear me? Tell me another story!" I shouted even louder.

Once again, nothing said and no one moved. Mama however did shuffle toward him to try and wake him up.

"Dad?"

"Grandpa, wake up!"

Nothing moved. A breeze of cold air hit me just then. I wasn't sure what happened and I don't remember seeing much because my eyes began to swell with water. Something was wrong, something didn't feel right.


The next thing I know Mama and Papa are running through the house like a pack of wild animals. Grandma Elena just sat in her chair holding her Bible in her hands and rocking back and forth. The rest of the children were herded into the other room by Aunt Rose while Uncle Ted directed the EMS men into the den. I wasn't sure what to do or say so I just hid behind the couch listening to the EMS men talk to Uncle Ted. I felt like an investigation at a crime scene was going on. There were a few nods of a mans head and then a mournful handshake between he and Uncle Ted.

Once the room cleared of all the EMS men, Uncle Ted sat down next to grandma and held her close, whispering some sweet sweet prayer. I closed my eyes and tried to hear that same prayer telling God to take care of my grandpa.


It wasn't til that that night that the EMS men actually got a hold of us. The phone rang sparactically off the hook around nine o'clock. Mama jumped up to answer it but Papa was too quick for her.

"Hello? Yes. Yes. Okay. Oh, okay. Thank you sir. Uh huh, you too."

Papa slowly turned around with a glaze of tears across his eyes. He walked slowly toward us all and put his hand on Mama's shoulder.

"The doctor said that Grandpa Joe had a mild heart attack. Things were okay until he had another one. Doc said it wasn't so mild though. They told us to call tomorrow to make arrangements for the funeral and wished us the best of luck."

The room molded into a silent film, no one said a word or cried a single tear. Just dead silence.

I began to think why on earth this would happen, how could of all a sudden a healthy man go bad?

"The nurse said on his last heart attack he was talking about running. Running far and hard. She wasn't sure why he would say something like that. She said he yelled 'I made it' and that was it."

My heart stopped. I couldn't believe it, he was trying to relive being young and vibrant. The thought of running got his heart rushing, too fast. I never thought he'd ever truly run that four mile hike again, but I guess he did.

[ps] not a true story