Fading Love

Never I-
felt so sad.
I feel so alone
and your so mad.

My intentions
were of innocence.
But you act
so upset since.

Never was this
to be,
Such an obstacle
in my eyes that see.

Oblivious am I?
I suppose so,
since now I cry.

Forever on my mind,
wondering where you are.
The memories will
not be forgotten no-
matter how far.

All this awkward end
and broken hearts
will never tear
this apart.

Imma Do Me

It's the end of 2010 finally. This stressful, exhausting, emotional year is finally rearing towards an end...thank goodness. I must say with the new year in full swing I am not prepared for what 2011 has to offer. There are some many plans that are coming into the future I am unsure of how I need to handle them. For starters, it's somewhat my last semester of college, I turn 21, I'm getting closer to my dream of having a place of my own, and new relationships are starting to develop. As much as I am ready to put a cap on this year of 2010, I am not ready to pop the top on 2011. I've never felt so much like an adult and so scared to move forward in life. Unfortunately, the saying, "there is only one way, and that is up" is so true. You can only move forward because some genius has yet to invent a "back-in-time" clock yet. However, I am not sure I would like to replay some of my past... on another note, I am ready to experience the adult life I am just not sure my mind is ready to handle everything. Living stress free would be wonderful. The girls had an idea that we should all move to the beach over the summer and get away from the stress. How amazing would that be? Work at the beach, live at the beach, and be away from everyday life. Getting away from reality for a few months would satisfy my stressed out mind/body/soul. I just need to learn to live in the moment and stress about the future. It drives everyone crazy to think about tomorrow when we should be worried about today, right now, this second. My future goal for 2011 is to rejoice the moment await the future with a stress free attitude....

"Sweet" Summer Time(ugh.)

The saying, "sweet summertime" is, to me, overused and abused. Since when is summer suppose to be sweet? It is hot, humid, full of drama, and long. Don't get me wrong, I love having a break from the school work; however, I feel more drama is produced which causes stress and breakups within relationships(friends, boys and girls).
I wish every week over the summer I could escape to a new destination to stay everywhere but HOME. The entertainment of new environments and new people can only strengthen your mind and your acceptance for natures beauty.....I guess. More so I am leaning towards strengthening your mind. You can take a photographic memory and turn it into something realistic. The images I have seen outside of HOME I have created into a collage within my mind, these images create a new sense of happiness. It's like a getaway from the real world. A getaway from what this "sweet" summertime is suppose to hold.
This whole summer of mine has been far from sweet. I'd just like to give this summer of 2010 the title of plan ol' "summer"; subtract the sweetness and replace it with bittersweet.

Heartbreakers..

The first beat of a heart is just the beginning of life. The first scream or cry of a newborne is the waking moment of that new life. The heart continiously beats day after day allowing that individual to laugh, cry, breathe, sing, talk, live, and most importantly love. Biologist or not, the heart is more than just a blood pump of survival, it's the emotional feeder as well. For those of you who "don't have a heart" aka cold hearted, you can stop reading here because you will have no idea as to what I am talking about. The heart feels pain that the eyes and mind create. When you see something tragic your heart just clinches, when you hear something awful your heart feels like it just dropped into your stomache, and when the person you care about the most has left you in some shape or form your heart crumples into little tiny pieces. The heart is emotion! No matter what the situation is your heart will gather in the pain and create that feeling as if your heart has stopped beating. . . . have you ever experienced that? Have you ever felt like for a few moments in that tragic, awful time your heart completely stopped functioning? That feeling of your heart stopping is almost like a little piece of you died on the inside. All those heart beats you allowed during those moments of good times were just taken away by the words spoken from or the action taken.
Your heart will create this moment of pain but thankfully it begins to piece itself back together. With out the time to heal our hearts would break down and continue to do so time after time until there is nothing left. But thank goodness for good friends and family to help the building process and bring yourself back to where you once were.

Sex and the City: Distances

Ladies, have you ever just finished watching a great chick flick and just made a really big sigh afterwards? For a split second...or more so the time length of the film, you were in the shoes of that ever so lucky actress and her fantasy lines. After your extremely overexaggerated sigh you then are snapped back into reality and realize there is no way on earth life will ever play out that way!

Oh, it's fun to imagine and dream and to place your current man into the scene as well. Yes, I'd like to admit after watching 'Sex and the City 2' I replaced Mr. Big for my current boyfriend and the infamous Carrie Bradshaw as myself. Every minute of emotion Carrie felt, I felt that exact same way. If I were in her shoes at any time and moment of that movie I am very much asured that I'd have the exact same reactions her character did. Ironic? Some may say that I felt that way just because I was "in the zone of 'Sex and the City'", when really, I think the character portrays a lot of the same emotions and morals I do.

[To be honest, many may think that me writing like I am is trying to pretend I'm something I'm not. However, I'd like to state that I've always enjoyed writing and blogging in this sense of fashion; 'Sex and the City' has just inspired me to continue writing the way I do. ]

What I learned most of the movies many life...or should I say LOVE lessons is that no matter the distance it's how you feel when you are together and what you make of it then that really matters. Distance is just an obstacle that tries to get in the way of letting true love work for the best. You should never be afraid of how far you are from the person you care about most because if you both know that when you are together "sparks" fly still, then it is meant to be. You can be an hour away to 3000 miles away and it wouldn't matter. If you are truly, madly head over heels for someone the distance is just a grain of sand on that relationship.

february.

Have you ever been frustrated at yourself? Like when you say you aren't going to do something but for some reason you do? Or, you make a new years resolution to do better on certain things in life but you mess up sooner than later? It is one of the most annoying pet peeves I have of myself. I get so annoyed when I tell myself I'm going to do something differently and then I always find some how to screw that up. Why can't it be a little easier to follow the right path of change? I guess it takes a lot of motivation and faith in yourself....maybe?

With the month of Febraury being the month of LOVEEE, I find it appropriate to write something along those lines. (However the more I think about it, the more I realize that's all I really write about.) In the past week, I've noticed a few things about me that relate to love. I try not to let myself fall in love too fast, or at all. I'm not too keen on letting a guy into my life especially when I know I'm not ready for the commitment. Dating is fun but, man is it exhausting. I get tired of doing the same old thing all the time with someone different all the time. Can we just put a pause on dating and then just one day our prince charming will fall in front of us and then you get married? Would that not be nice? I guess it wouldn't be for those who love to adventure out with different guys. Sometimes I feel like I'm sitting in the same blank room, same boring table, same burning candle, same dinner meal and just a different look and personality in front of me. I guess that is to some extent good, because I've met a wide variety of guys. I am just tired of "sitting".

The day I allow myself to fall in love I will no longer be sitting...I'll be standing on top of the world above those who are sitting. However, do not rush me to make that climb because I'm not ready to stand yet. I've got a few years of sitting before I want to stand tall.