Goodbye, 2009..

Year 2009, fast paced for sure, full of exciting memories, devastating events, and regrets that will be known as the past. Many twist and turns were driven throughout 2009 but thankfully I made it to the end. I await the true friendships that develop, love, success, good health, and better memories in 2010. Although I am skeptical about what is to come, I will strive to make the best of every day in 2010. Without a doubt I do not want to repeat any of my past regrets. Some spontaneous events were definately in effect of 2009, however this year I will double check before making any quick decisions to save myself and others as well.

2009 brought tears of joy and sadness. I will not forget my grandfather and how much he struggled. I will not forget Curt leaving for Iraq and how much we've all missed him. I will not forget the hurt I brought upon some people through my actions. I will remember finishing my first year of college and beginning a new year at a new invitng college. I will remember the ABC party at ASU with my girls. I will remember the family outtings on the lake. I will remember all the advice I earned from those special people.

In 2010, I want to walk everyday with my head held high even when I am struggling. I think a smile on your face all the time can only brighten anothers sad day. I've been told to never stop smiling by members at my work because it only brings them up to see someone cheerful. I want 2010 to bless with in strength and extra guidence through the tough times. I know it will be another struggling year of school and dilemmas but I am determined to be vulnerable to every aspect. I do not want to fear my choices by rather approach them with confidence. I am almost twenty years old which does make me seem old. Old, like an adult, taking on more and more responsibility that means to those of you not quite there......

On a lighter note, I look forward to having more memorable events with friends, making up with old ones, and living life to its fullest potential in one year! Thank you friends and family for making 2009 a survivable one and enjoyable to say the least. I love you all and wish you all the best of luck on your New Years resolutions!!

Love,

Samantha

Don't Fall Unless You're Okay With Getting Hurt...

You know how people say that you only fall in love once? I quite frankly find that true. Although I've stated before "Im too young to be in love", I feel that one time in my life, I was. Now I'm not saying that in my past life or whatever...none of the reincarnation junk...but a few years ago, ya know like real teeny years. When I think about this I think of that oh so famous Taylor Swift song, 15, "Cause when you're 15 somebody tells you they love you, your going to believe it", yeah that one. For the example I'm giving however, the words "I love you" were never said. But you know those moments adults always talk about when you know you are in love? Like, your heart beats crazily and you feel almost sick to your stomach every time you talk to that person. Or you become sweaty at the palms and all you can do is laugh at everything they say even when it's not even that funny. Its moments like these we should reflect on and ask ourselves, is that love? For me, when I was a freshman I had those feelings. This particular person in mind would make me giggle that nervous laugh and he would make my heart beat funny in a good way. Everytime I heard his voice or thought about him all I could do was smile. He made everything seem perfect and that nothing would ever hurt me. Ha, unfortunately in the end I was hurt. I had all these feelings that added up and equalled LOVE. Or so I thought. Now, when I think someone is in love, I feel that that certain connection between the two could never be broken and its forever. This love bond that I thought I had broke over three years finally. There was no real goodbye, no true relationship in it. It all seemed too good to be true. In fact it was, because the relationship never went anywhere past friends. Of course there were some circumstances that played a part in that which hindered moving past friends, but for some reason I still fell in love....literally. And now I look back at this "relationship" as to the reason I find it hard to fall back in love. I fell once...hint "fell" and got hurt. Who wants to fall when falling ends with pain and hurt? The reason I'm writing this blog is not to call anyone out but simply to help explain to others why I don't give in and why I have a hard time loving back the way a girlfriend should. I'm sure I will eventually grow out this mindset, but for now I hold true to it. I don't regret ever feeling the way I felt toward my "first love" but I do regret letting the falsified relationship ruin me in such a way. Lesson learned, don't fall to deep into someone unti you are sure you are ready to get hurt because with love comes pain and its expected...needless to say its definately not a bonus to it but its definately a feature to beware of. More like a warning label.