Some Encouragment For Non-Bloggers.....

Have you ever felt the urge to just write all your emotions and thoughts down? Not for everyone else to see, just for your personal eyes-to make you personally feel better? Well, if you think about it, what is the difference between making a personal list for your eyes and only and writing in a blog that is suppose to be public? There is not much difference, however I don't feel like everyone puts down their exact emotions on a blog because they are afraid of hurting someones feelings. Honestly I can say I am guilty of just that. I have written things directed towards particular individuals, changed names around to fit a mysterious character, and even lied about a few emotions I was feeling at the moment. Is this true blogging though? To hide what you want to say? Blogging should be a free spirited environment where judgment is not allowed. Who really should care about what you wrote about, how you wrote it, or whose name you substituted in? It's blogging, it is free, it is what the creation, it is you. You're blog should describe you in every matter. If your preference is scattered writing, write scattered thoughts; if you prefer short phrases, be short with people. Do not hide your true creativity through a blog, this is where you should express yourself and your thoughts with out being harmed. So go ahead....blog.

Single Status is Okay by Me

Well so what if love doesn't come this way now. So what if I test the waters and move on. So what if I decide to stay single for a little longer. What does it matter to anyone else? As much as I think how nice it is to be with someone else who loves you and is there for you, that is all in my future. As of this moment, this time frame, I am able to enjoy being single and alone. I don't mean to say alone like it is a bad thing, I mean to say it as a term on relationship status. I don't need someone to hold my hand, I don't need someone to know my every move, I don't need someone to be my balance. I want to be hands free, be random and off balance a little right now. Afterall, I am turning 21 in a few days (16days). I've had my space respected and I've had nice faces to meet, I am just not wanting to be 2. Yes, the company is nice especially on a boring night, but that's what your girlfriends are for and when they aren't, Sex and the City! I need to be free, explore some more, stand my own ground, understand what is best for me, figure out a few more things, and then make my table for 1 and table for 2! So let me fly, far away and be this person I want to be right now....

3 Day Snow Day--SUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS!

The beginning of my spring semester started last Thursday, Jan 7th, 2011. Two of the five days we have actually attended school. Unfortunately the wonderful Mother Nature and Jack Frost decided to make some activity and cause cancellations. One day is okay, two days is pushing it, but three days in a row is a little ridiculous. Yes I love my family, they are so fun--for so long. Doing the same thing for three days in a row with the same people is old; I hate repetition. It makes my bones cringe. Although there is repetition in a lot of things we do in life, there is usually a change of pace when you can actually break that repetition. However, these three days have been awfully hard to take a new direction when you can't even leave your driveway. Snow is wonderful, it's pretty, calming, and cold. I do not like that it causes delays though....especially this week. I am not one to sit around ever. Even when I had my wisdom teeth pulled, two days later I was still on meds and ready to leave the house; in which I did sit miserably somewhere besides my house. Also, when I had surgery in August I was able to get out two days after, while still on meds, and I went out on a motorcycle ride for goodness sake! So therefore, the only thing I guess I can do while "snowed in" is to write here on this very blog, oh and play endless amounts of Wii Bowling. An actual positive to my "lock in" is I found my old iPod, and therefore listening to some old school music! Woo, go me! I hate sitting around-I've cleaned/organized my already clean and organized room. I've done all 2 whole assignments I was given from my second day of school and even some. I gave my dog a bath and brushed him. Cleaned the rest of the house, downloaded new apps on the new iPod, won a game of poker against my parents, and read my new Glamour magazine. I even took an hour nap and ate dinner. I would say it has been a productive day at the 'Kropski' household. Oh yeah, this is also another reason why I wished I lived on my own because I would actually have a roommate that is willing to do whatever to get out of the house/apt. I am just ready to get over this snow and start my spring semester off right--oh and those days I planned on using to go visit people, ha forget it, those days will now be officially made up and oh yeah my spring break of 2 days will most likely be even more non-existent than it already is. Thank you snow day--really!

Fading Love

Never I-
felt so sad.
I feel so alone
and your so mad.

My intentions
were of innocence.
But you act
so upset since.

Never was this
to be,
Such an obstacle
in my eyes that see.

Oblivious am I?
I suppose so,
since now I cry.

Forever on my mind,
wondering where you are.
The memories will
not be forgotten no-
matter how far.

All this awkward end
and broken hearts
will never tear
this apart.

Imma Do Me

It's the end of 2010 finally. This stressful, exhausting, emotional year is finally rearing towards an end...thank goodness. I must say with the new year in full swing I am not prepared for what 2011 has to offer. There are some many plans that are coming into the future I am unsure of how I need to handle them. For starters, it's somewhat my last semester of college, I turn 21, I'm getting closer to my dream of having a place of my own, and new relationships are starting to develop. As much as I am ready to put a cap on this year of 2010, I am not ready to pop the top on 2011. I've never felt so much like an adult and so scared to move forward in life. Unfortunately, the saying, "there is only one way, and that is up" is so true. You can only move forward because some genius has yet to invent a "back-in-time" clock yet. However, I am not sure I would like to replay some of my past... on another note, I am ready to experience the adult life I am just not sure my mind is ready to handle everything. Living stress free would be wonderful. The girls had an idea that we should all move to the beach over the summer and get away from the stress. How amazing would that be? Work at the beach, live at the beach, and be away from everyday life. Getting away from reality for a few months would satisfy my stressed out mind/body/soul. I just need to learn to live in the moment and stress about the future. It drives everyone crazy to think about tomorrow when we should be worried about today, right now, this second. My future goal for 2011 is to rejoice the moment await the future with a stress free attitude....

"Sweet" Summer Time(ugh.)

The saying, "sweet summertime" is, to me, overused and abused. Since when is summer suppose to be sweet? It is hot, humid, full of drama, and long. Don't get me wrong, I love having a break from the school work; however, I feel more drama is produced which causes stress and breakups within relationships(friends, boys and girls).
I wish every week over the summer I could escape to a new destination to stay everywhere but HOME. The entertainment of new environments and new people can only strengthen your mind and your acceptance for natures beauty.....I guess. More so I am leaning towards strengthening your mind. You can take a photographic memory and turn it into something realistic. The images I have seen outside of HOME I have created into a collage within my mind, these images create a new sense of happiness. It's like a getaway from the real world. A getaway from what this "sweet" summertime is suppose to hold.
This whole summer of mine has been far from sweet. I'd just like to give this summer of 2010 the title of plan ol' "summer"; subtract the sweetness and replace it with bittersweet.

Heartbreakers..

The first beat of a heart is just the beginning of life. The first scream or cry of a newborne is the waking moment of that new life. The heart continiously beats day after day allowing that individual to laugh, cry, breathe, sing, talk, live, and most importantly love. Biologist or not, the heart is more than just a blood pump of survival, it's the emotional feeder as well. For those of you who "don't have a heart" aka cold hearted, you can stop reading here because you will have no idea as to what I am talking about. The heart feels pain that the eyes and mind create. When you see something tragic your heart just clinches, when you hear something awful your heart feels like it just dropped into your stomache, and when the person you care about the most has left you in some shape or form your heart crumples into little tiny pieces. The heart is emotion! No matter what the situation is your heart will gather in the pain and create that feeling as if your heart has stopped beating. . . . have you ever experienced that? Have you ever felt like for a few moments in that tragic, awful time your heart completely stopped functioning? That feeling of your heart stopping is almost like a little piece of you died on the inside. All those heart beats you allowed during those moments of good times were just taken away by the words spoken from or the action taken.
Your heart will create this moment of pain but thankfully it begins to piece itself back together. With out the time to heal our hearts would break down and continue to do so time after time until there is nothing left. But thank goodness for good friends and family to help the building process and bring yourself back to where you once were.