Haven't Written in a While

Its been about half way through summer break and my summer has been nothing but crazy. I've gone non-stop with work, babysitting, house sitting, beach trips, and visits to friends. It seems hard to find a moment for myself or as Anthony calls it, "Sam Time". The only "Sam Time" I get seems to be early in the morning until about lunch. Which is quite relaxing because thats when I can do things like this and clean my room. The mornings are peaceful and the earlier i get up the better off I am because I can accomplish more. Now Im not one to sit around ALL day so around four I'm usually heading out the door right past my parents. Oh parents, that is one topic I need to touch on. So like I said Im hardly ever home when they are. When I am home while they are there, they say " Who are you?", "What's your name again?" Kinda fustrating but I deal. Anyways, the summer break has been marvelous. I got to spend a whole week as a nice condo babysitting for a few hours a day. I had an awesome time and would do it anytime! After that I attended the beach with my good friend kelly only to pay off her speeding ticket but it was an experience of a trip for sure :) *NOTE: Don't go during the time of grad week if you've already gone, you realize how dumb you were.* That note was taken. Not to say that all of the people I saw were, but majority of them were. From there I was babysitting for two weeks straight 8am-5pm every day. *NOTE(again): I'm not ready to work 8am-5pm days yet* Nice money but still too long of day for me. In the mean time, I somehow managed to purchase a male black lab 8wk old puppy whom is now 11 weeks and still a biter! Ouchy. His name is Henry Norman after both my grandpas. My summer has just been FILLED almost to capacity and I think Im going to retire early! Ha.

What Are We Waiting For?

“Open the eyes of my heart Lord, open the eyes of my heart. I want to see You, I want to see You”
This verse from a quite popular Christian song was what I awoke to this morning. I had my alarm set on 106.9 because I felt I needed to hear something from God. In the true sense of it all I’ve basically taken a “vacation” from God and the Bible. It’s hard for me to really understand why I allowed myself to do so. By all means I am not proud of my actions taken, but I am simply trying to fix it now.
You know when you start feeling like you have, as quoted by a good friend, “all your ducks in a row” but then at the very end of that row is one odd ball. Just something isn’t quite right? Well that’s how I began to feel not too long ago. I began to feel like something deep was missing in my life. I had everything else fairly lined up except one; God. I had left him strangling along and trying to find somewhere to fit in. This whole time I have just been saying,”I don’t have time. I’m sorry. I will get back to you later.” Well that’s obviously not the right answer. That’s not what God wanted to hear and He knew that’s not what I meant. So for over a year now he has been fighting for this position in line, to be somewhere embedded along with all the others pieces.
Recently He has been able to fit into that line and actually stand out. I’m not sure if current events are the reason for this sudden uplifting or if I really did have a moment to spare. I feel like now I am able to allow God to jump right up to the front again and fill me in on what I’ve missed out on. It’s like an old friend you haven’t seen in year. God and I, we have a lot of catching up to do. Considering God is to be like your best friend, real easy to communicate with and allows you to be yourself I am willing to allow Him back in. I feel as if He can lift the burdens and I know he can take away a lot of the pain because from past experiences that’s what He did. He has opened my eyes to better things and allowed me to worship Him in amazing environments.

love.

At this age could I truly fall in love? I’m not quite sure if that is possible for those around me to believe. At the age of nineteen do we know what love is? Quite frankly, I think we do not. We have so much to learn and to understand before we know what true love is. But, then again, what if we have a sense? We may not feel fully in love at that particular moment but afterwards we do. After the pain and suffering of breaking up you start to miss that person. You miss their smile, their voice, their laughter, their smell, their over individuality. They made you something different, or should I say yourself. You weren’t afraid to be yourself and be judged for it. They liked you for who you were and didn’t want anything different. Sadly, we don’t realize this until after we have been cut off from communication with this individual. The feelings of being comforted by that person have been gone and we begin to suffer…..again. Now for my own experience, I must say when you have been broken up for a few months little things bring back those memories; memories we loved and miss. Sometimes I catch myself thinking and dreaming and then saying “Why? Why, did it have to end?” I think I got afraid, afraid to keep moving forward, afraid of being too serious, and getting caught in the moment like some of my friends have. I never really felt like I was “in love” by any means. However, the more I ponder back and think of what things could have been, I fear love was in that image. Above all else, we learn from our mistakes and grow from others; I feel I have and have a better sense in what I need and want in life.